I AM DONE (An Ode to Quitting)

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I AM DONE (An Ode to Quitting)

I am done with this
I’m finished, I’m through.
I have had enough
I’m moving on.
I am ending this relationship,
friendship,
acquaintance.
I quit this club, I retract my pledge
I am leaving this place
vacating this premises
dropping off the key
Forgetting this town.
I’m dumping my belongings
I don’t need them,
I am done.

I am quitting this platform
deleting my account
withdrawing my deposits
tearing up contracts
ignoring the emails
abandoning ship
cancelling my subscription
‘return to sender’ on all my mail
no forwarding address left.

I am quitting that habit
finished
never again, no way
I’ll leave it in that town
with that old friendship
that old house
that old way of life.

I am leaving, for good this time
I’m bagging out
severing every bond that
tries to hold me.
I am moving 500 miles away
no, a thousand!
Far enough I can’t hear anyone call my name.

I think I’ll change my name
I’m done with the old one.
It’s over, finally, I give up
I let go of hopeful expectations
It wasn’t meant to happen
It wasn’t meant to fly
I didn’t think it really would,
anyways.

I’m hightailing it
I am out of here
I’m dropping out
pulling up anchor
ditching my community
throwing in the towel
looking for the nearest exit
sneaking out the back door.

I quit this job
I quit school
I quit caring what other people think
I quit comparing myself to the successes of others
I quit wishing things were different
I am through.
I am done.

It feels so good to walk out
like I have a hundred times before
in a million small ways
the reverberations of generations
of family before me
rippling like waves, becoming bigger and bigger
until all I want to do,
is surrender, my hands in the air,
to quit and run
like the dry earth begging for the rain
so badly I want to sever the connections
to make them wrong
to find them lacking
to turn my back
to toss them overboard
to make new ones
better ones
these

will

never

be

good

enough.

All my ancestors
excitedly gather at my back

and with all their collective might,

shout
“JUST LEAVE!!”

And, in that moment,
I hear them,
and I turn around,

and say…

“Not this time.”

— © Mardi Storm, August 27, 2018

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