When we deeply react negatively to an experience or a person, its always worth asking yourself, am I rejecting that same energy in myself? If there wasn’t a sore spot to poke, that person’s behavior, words, or actions might not bother us so much. We might not get engaged, roped in, caught up in having a strong opinion. If something makes us want to run screaming the other direction, its worth looking within – what is being touched inside? What fear, what wound?
A powerful practice is to say, “I am that too”. No matter how seemingly crazy it may be. Can I own the shadow I am projecting on the other? Even if its true, not just a projection? If we can see it so clearly, it may be the person is mirroring something in ourselves we do not like and do not want to look at. This goes both ways, shadow and light. How can you see it if it’s not an energy within you?
“I am crazy.”
“I am the chaos.”
“I am arrogant.”
“I am narcissistic.”
“I am mean.”
Pretty rough, huh? Do you have a hard time claiming any of those? Do you have a zing of reaction to any one of them? Is it possible you can be the kindest, sweetest, most humble and compassionate being AND be narcissistic? Is it possible that ability, that resonance also lives inside you?
When we overcompensate for what we perceive as traits of our parents or other significant influences in our childhood, including cultural values – swinging wide in the opposite direction, we deny the shadow energies that live within us, attempting to only live within the light, only be good. This works to a point, we can control ourselves, until our lid blows, or a traumatic event occurs, or an illness develops. The soul wants us to move towards wholeness. We are all things, all energies. Can we claim the dark aspects of ourselves?
Those dark gods and goddesses exist for a reason – they are human nature too. We are the destructive force, we can kill, we can be narcissistic, act with hubris, be arrogant. We each have that capability within us. When we suppress acknowledging the shadow within, it can reach up and bite us when we least expect it. It can hurt someone, and especially ourselves. We might make decisions that affect others coming from what we thought was a caring place but in reality was narcissistic or arrogant. If we can’t claim those energies within us, they will rule us, silently, from the unconscious.
“The chaos is inside me, too.”
A client recently began touching on a big pattern of avoiding chaos in her life. This energy reminded her of her mom and while she did everything to avoid it, it just kept finding her. When we are repulsed intensely and strongly by an energy, there may be soul loss from an intensely traumatic or repetitive experience. Where in this instance its unsafe to be in chaos or to recognize her own ability to have chaos, and every cell that resists that chaos feels it reverberate because the strategy to survive has been all about containing the chaos.
“I am the chaos, too.”
She is invited to heal this divide by continuing to meet the energy that is inside her, the part she pushed away and said “its not ok to be here its not safe you are not ok, you look like mom”. This energy was compartmentalized off, along with a piece of her soul.
She learned chaos is a bad thing. Maybe its a powerful force for other purposes too, for creative ones.
When we practice continuing to meet the energy and surrendering to it, we can learn from it. We can learn deeper how we are tangled in this pattern with chaos and mother, meeting those places with awareness, compassion, and love, softly unwinding these parts entangled and reacting to the old pattern, until there is nothing left to react to. When forgiveness and compassion has released the struggle, for ourselves and the other, we can let it go, moving forward from an empowered place, a place that can say “I am that, too.” and “That happened, that was true at the time, and I choose love and acceptance.”
Turn towards the shadow, not away. Don’t cover up, uncover. I invite you discover what is hidden in your basement. We all have one. If we don’t take a look now, the restless spirits and skeletons will come knocking at a much less opportune time. They may contribute to physical, spiritual and mental illness when the energy patterns do not find their release out of our bodies. It takes great courage to face these places inside, and to own the most difficult and unloved places. I dare you to.
Mardi Storm is a healing arts practitioner, multi-dimensional traveler, and visual artist. More recently a farmer, moving into deep relationship with the teachings from the world of animals, nature, and all beings of this Earth. She learns every day from the grace of the divine and the lessons given to make her a more conscious soul.